After listening to many women talk about their marriages with so much sadness, a Nigerian relationship columnist admitted that many of them are married to awful husbands, and has written a piece for Nigerian husbands.
Whether we want to accept it or not, many women are victims of wicked men in bad marriages. These women are enduring bad behaviour, philandering, emotional abuse and even physical violence in the hands of men who should love and treat them like queens.
It is sad and heartbreaking that when a woman cries out for help when she can no longer take the treatment she is being subjected to at home by the man she calls her husband, people tell her to zip it. People indirectly blame her for the maltreatment she’s getting from her husband. They send her back heartbroken to her bad marriage.
Men tell her to stop complaining and pray for her husband to change. Women tell her to deal with it because they are going through horrible things at home too. Pastors tell them to go back home and submit more while church mummies tell them to be humble and virtuous so that their husbands can treat them better.
I don’t know why a woman who is going through hell in her marriage will be advised to keep praying for her abuser to change. The ironic thing is that this rule is only applicable to women. I haven’t heard of a man who was told to keep praying for his cheating wife to change. The double standards set for men and women in marriages are just nauseating.
After listening to many women talk about their marriages with so much sadness, I can say that many of them are married to awful husbands. The annoying thing is that these men don’t see anything wrong in treating their wives like animals. They claim that’s how their fathers treated their mothers and they were married for decades. They refuse to be taught how to treat their wives better.
If all you do is criticize your wife, you are a bad husband. She can’t be that bad. If she were that terrible, you wouldn’t have married her. Mr. Man, watch yourself and don’t get caught in the trap of criticizing your wife. Choose to see the good in your wife. Compliment her on all the things she is doing right.
You are not always right. And your beautiful wife is actually very good at making her own decisions and she can make very good decisions too. So stop feeling like you need to control where she’s going, what she’s doing, how much she’s spending and more. Instead of stressing about that, work together as a team, encouraging and supporting each other. Let your wife be her own person, and give her wings to fly.
Dear husband, your wife isn’t an object. She is your wife, your best friend and your queen. She deserves your utmost respect, especially when it comes to sexual intimacy. Always respect her and her body and work on establishing emotional connection and trust before thinking about sharing sexual intimacy with your wife. Sex can be the most unifying, fulfilling and beautiful thing in marriage when you both treat each other respectfully.
Don’t be too busy to call your wife, to text her or recognize her when she walks in the room. The next time you see her, give her a big hug and tell her you love her. Let her know she is your top priority by putting her first – ahead of work, time with your buddies, or watching football matches. Sit on the couch and talk to her. Tell her about your day, your thoughts, your worries, and your funny experiences.
That a woman is your wife doesn’t give you the right to use dirty words on her. Watch your mouth. Cut the swearing habit, and remove crude, rude and dirty language from your vocabulary. If you can’t use those words on strangers, don’t use them on your wife. Your wife deserves to hear words that a gentleman would speak, not that of a street boy.
Comparing your wife to your friend’s wife or the women you meet in the course of doing your job or business is one sure way to ruin your marriage, your life and your future. Simply put, don’t start imagining being the husband of these other women, you won’t see anything good in your wife when you do that. You can only see the things they present to you, you don’t know the real them.
Stop telling your wife that she should dress like your friend’s wife or make her hair the way your female colleague makes hers. That’s insulting and demeaning. The last thing your wife needs to hear is that she doesn’t measure up to your unrealistic expectations. Don’t compare your wife’s body, budgeting skills, or parenting skills to that of other women. Your comparisons will crush her self-esteem over time.
I laugh when some men claim that it is not our culture for them to cook, clean and take care of their children. I don’t know how keeping your home clean is beneath you. You are not doing your wife a favour by cooking for her and the kids and cleaning up after them. It’s your duty to take care of your family, don’t leave it for your wife alone. You will wear her out.
You may bring in half the income or all of it, but that doesn’t mean you can chill on the couch while your wife cleans, tidies and washes dishes day-in and day-out. Kick it up a notch and offer to help out. Clean the toilet, yes, the one you use every day, carry in the groceries and wash your wife’s clothes as well as that of your children. They are your children, not your wife’s alone. You and your wife are a team and ought to work side by side creating the home of your dreams.
If you lose your temper all the time, you are behaving like a child throwing tantrums. You are a grown man, and yelling at your wife is not appropriate, effective or helpful. Rage, lashing out, throwing things and threatening are all forms of abuse. Beating her is a crime. Learn to control your temper. You don’t go about beating your fellow men so why do you think it’s right to beat your wife?
If you think you can sneak off with that babe from work and your wife will never know, then you are kidding yourself and in for a very rude awakening. And honestly, even if your wife never found out, it’s still wrong. Don’t throw away everything that is truly meaningful for a fleeting moment of pleasure. Choose to be honest. Choose to be loyal. Live up to those promises you made to your bride. She deserves all that, and more.
One man said on Facebook last week that it is the norm for men to cheat but it should be done discreetly because they are men but women can’t try that because when the man paid her bride price, he paid for her vagina to be his forever. I truly do not understand this crap. If you want a faithful wife, you have to be a faithful husband. Stop expecting fidelity from the woman you cheat on.
If you are a bad husband, you should change. It doesn’t make you a woman wrapper to be a good husband. Decide to be better man and make changes so that you can enjoy your wife for life.