Pain may drive you towards hatred, but the desire to hurt others will only make you suffer the more. Relationship columnist pens interesting piece for the couples.
Crime of passion is a violent crime committed against a loved one, especially homicide due to sudden strong impulse or rage. It is often not a premeditated crime. This rage against a loved one is often out of jealousy, heartbreak or even fear of shame.
There is no day that passes in Nigeria we don’t hear of lovers or even spouses hacking their better halves to death. You would wonder what would make one physically hurt that one person they love so much.
If it is not a man feeling insulted by his disrespectful, domineering or unfaithful wife, it is the woman feeling battered, controlled and powerless for so long, and rather than seek divorce or walk away, resorts to fatal revenge. This revenge ranges from acid bath, battery, stripping spouses or lovers naked in public, beating to death, stabbing to death and even poisoning.
Such people in defence of their barbaric act blame the victim: “I killed him/her, but it was all their fault, he/she pushed me and I had no option so I did it,” but once the full weight of their crime dawns on them, they start to blame the devil.
According to research on homicides, it was discovered that women are more likely to be killed or battered by a husband or lover than a stranger. It is no news that a lot of women stand the risk of violence and torture even to death for calling off a relationship or seeking divorce. But some women are beginning to show so much rage these days too towards the male folk.
Love and hate are two extreme emotions. Love can become a fertile ground for the emergence of hate, and can be extremely dangerous if not well handled. People have committed the most horrific crimes in the name of love especially when the intensity and intimacy of love turns sour. Hate may be generated in such circumstance, and rage becomes their only channel of communication.
You may have hit a rough spot in your relationship, and on the edge of losing it and unleashing the venom in you. Perhaps your relationship ended and you feel this sense of betrayal, disappointment and anger. Or you hate someone because you love them and unable to free yourself of your love for them because it is not reciprocated. Or your relationship ended a long time ago but you somehow continue to feel wounded, toxic and it still affects your moving on and finding happiness, hence the need to hurt the other person.
The truth is that hatred in whatever guise is petty, selfish, arrogant, very bitter and entitled. It easily misleads, and it makes one say and do unthinkable things that their minds never would have thought of. It is toxic and vengeful and clouds a good sense of judgment.
Shame and ego most times makes one act in anger. The thought of facing the shame that comes with rejection, cheating or betrayal, and choosing to act in anger simply increases the shame you are running away from.
Physically torturing a loved one is not justifiable in whatever guise. It takes a lot of courage and self control to hold oneself back especially when provoked. Once you notice your anger and resentment towards your once loving partner is getting to the point that you want to injure them physically, or they are in danger when around you, it is time to let common sense prevail. Walk away and seek help, you are gradually losing it.
Become mindful of your emotions, mindfulness is a powerful mental skill that helps you to know exactly how you feel at each point in time. It will help you keep your feelings in check. You will be observant about what pushes you from love to hate and help redirect that negative energy to more positive things.
Pain may drive you towards hatred, but the desire to hurt others will only make you suffer the more. If they ask for a divorce after all the good you have done for them, if it will make them happy, grant them their wish. If they don’t want you anymore rather than being bitter, evil, toxic and vengeful and acting irrationally while remaining in such relationship, let go, find peace within and wish them well.
If you truly love someone, you should want their happiness, even if it is with someone else. True love doesn’t lie, people do. Love doesn’t leave, people do, Love doesn’t hurt or kill, people do. You can still love them from a distance.
Written by: Amaka Nichola for Daily Sun